11/03/2013: Two dead in Wasilla because there was a gun available
November 15, 2013

http://www.adn.com/2013/11/04/3157677/man-woman-found-shot-to-death.html

Natasha Clark and Anthony Torres are dead, because at least one of them chose to settle up by using a pistol to kill themselves.  You know who has clean hands on this?  Non-gun owners.  You know who doesn’t?  Gun owners.  Every time.

10/25/2013: Anchorage man threatens with gun, then wastes everybody’s time
October 26, 2013

http://www.adn.com/2013/10/25/3142015/apd-responding-to-man-with-gun.html

Thanks gun owners, for making this man possible.  I’m glad our taxes have to be spent on this guy and not on, say, education or anything.

10/25/2013: Noorvik man shoots at homes
October 26, 2013

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/53379188/ns/local_news-anchorage_ak/

But moments before any of this happened, the NRA and gun owners everywhere were saying that it’s a great idea for this man to own a firearm because it’s his “patriotic duty”.  Idiots.

10/20/2013: Fairbanks man is now dead.
October 21, 2013

http://www.adn.com/2013/10/21/3135379/man-shot-killed-in-home-northeast.html

It’s weird, because Mr. Patton was alive the moment before someone went through the following thought process:  “hey, here’s a handgun.  Let’s use it on this person and make them dead instead of alive.”

10/20/2013: Human Being is dead because we don’t have enough guns
October 20, 2013

http://www.ktva.com/home/top-stories/Police-investigate-Fairview-shooting-228534891.html

Yesterday, this human being was walking the earth as a living entity.  Today, they are dead.  And it is very clearly because we need more guns as more guns makes more shooting less likely, not more likely.  It’s true, because that’s what the NRA tells us, and they have guns, so it’s true.  But we need more guns.  More guns = more truth.  It’s written in the bible, I’m pretty sure.

10/17/2013: Gun owner uses his gun on Thursday
October 19, 2013

http://www.adn.com/2013/10/17/3129135/police-find-2-dead-in-chugiak.html

The day before, on Wednesday, the NRA was arguing that this man should own a gun.  On Thursday, the man used the gun.  He started off using it to hold his girlfriend against her will.  Then there were a couple of shots, and now they are both dead.  Thanks, NRA!

10/09/2013: Gun owner uses gun to make crime easier
October 14, 2013

http://www.alaskadispatch.com/article/20131010/ak-beat-anchorage-police-warn-armed-and-very-dangerous-suspect-loose

It’s neat that so many people (gun owners) work really hard to make sure that guns are available to everyone!  Think what would happen if there weren’t any guns–I mean, there might not be any guns.  We can’t have that!

9/29/2013: Anchorage man is shot by a person with a gun, not a person without a gun, imagine that.
October 2, 2013

http://www.adn.com/2013/09/29/3101106/bystander-shot-after-early-morning.html

But we need more guns, cuz that totally prevents this stuff.

9/22/2013: Wasilla gun owner has own guns stolen and used against him
September 26, 2013

http://www.adn.com/2013/09/24/3092462/suspected-robber-threatens-homeowner.html

Way to go gun owners.  It’s neat that you arm criminals so they can use your own guns against everyone, just as the founding fathers wanted.

9/18/2013: Anchorage soldier decided guns make sex crimes easier
September 19, 2013

http://www.adn.com/2013/09/18/3081734/soldier-arrested-for-sexual-assaults.html

Criminals love guns.  LOVE GUNS, because they make crimes easier to commit.  So keep arming the criminals that make society worse, gun owners.  Keep arming criminals, NRA.